I am a work in progress
I had a normal childhood until second grade when my parents divorced. My father was awarded custody of my younger sister and me. Living with my father for only a week we were then sent to live with my grandmother. It was with her that I learned the things that I would not only need for life, but also the things that I would need to survive the places and people I would have to depend on after she was gone. I had to grow up fast, there was very little time for me to be a kid, due to my grandmother being blind because of her having diabetes. I became the parent to her and my sister.
When my grandmother passed, my sister and I were sent to live with my aunt, my fathers sister. At that time all of the love went out of my life. Here is where the abuse began, both physical and mental, and from both my aunt and my father. with my grandmother gone there was no one to tell. My sister and I were verbally belittled constantly and beaten often for the smallest things. This abuse was the norm, years later my father remarried and he and his new wife had a son. Just when I thought the abuse was over, it got worst. He allowed my step-mother to be abusive as well to me and my sister. Five years later my father and step-mother divorced after he began to abuse her in the same way he abused my and sister and me. I didn't see my brother again until he was seventeen. By this time I have had children of my own, but I already had to give up custody due to homelessness. Like myself, my boys were raised by their grandmother, their fathers mother until she passed. At which time I regained custody and began a new life and new relationship with my children. By now I'm 35yrs old and a brand new college student with teenage boys.
Life teaches the good , the bad, the ugly and otherwise. It makes you weak to certain things and hardens you to others.
For so many years of my adult life I carried the hurt, anger and disappointment of my abusive childhood with me because I had no way out for these circumstances, and no understanding of how to come to terms with what was going on with me. I was over protective of my feelings and had no tolerance for the demeaning and inconsiderate things that people say and or do. I had even less tolerance for not so much what came out of the mouths of people but for how things came from the mouths of people. My lash-out was instant, very abrasive and harsh. I had no feelings.
I am a work in progress.....
Today, some form of that person I was still exist in me but now Jesus has the knob. I have been given not only a second chance but also a third.
My children came to me about a friend of theirs that had been released from a group home with no where to go. We took him in with no problem. I raised him as my own, it never mattered to me that he was not my blood. He was 15 a the time. He became my son, today he is 40yrs old and still calls me mom. Recently, I took in his first born child whom is 19yrs old and he calls me G-G . I am his grandmother. I am so thankful for the good grace of God, and the chances he has given me to learn to love again.
I offer very special thanks to Founder and CEO of Rightsideof50 Sheila Smith for first, believing in me and for all the encouragement, uplifting and enlightenment that she gives to me daily. My promise to God, Sheila and myself is to practice to be a better person each day than I was the day before.
I am a work in progress......
Thank you so very much for what you give to me daily. I know you love me and I love you so much more.