My Self-Esteem is Uncomfortable to Others
It’s easy to say, don’t let people’s opinion get to you. That sounds really nice. Be realistic everyone cares about something others say about us true or false. I always stayed true to myself, even if I was faking it to make it. Somehow I wanted to look good in everything no matter what it took. Sometimes being less than I knew I could be was ok as long as I could be helpful.
I heard a story of a little boy, he tells his dad, “you have to come see me slam dunk”. He goes to the gym and the little boy gets the ball and he slam dunks but the father says, “but here’s the thing son, you told the custodian to lower the hoop.” Now let’s try this again he tells the custodian to raise it back to the higher level. Now the father says to the son, now try to slam dunk. The lesson in this is that God won’t lower His standard to please us. He will raise us to come up higher to fulfill our purpose...
One of the hardest things in life is not knowing, what your purpose is on earth. Through personal experiences life can be difficult at times. Growing up as a youngster, my volume and tone were always louder and higher than most children. I grew up as a (PK) preacher’s kid. Like most children back in the day your parents took care of you the best they could. Not to boast but my parents made me believe we were rich. We always had abundance of everything. I understood as a child that we could have anything we said. Words had power to create or dismiss. My mother, who was the epitome of a women and First Lady, taught us as young girls, my sisters and I, how to be lady like. Stand tall, head up, shoulders back and smile and to always be polite. Out of all my siblings, I am for sure the most dramatic. (LAUGHING) I knew at an early age I wanted to be someone that people could look up to as a role model. I remember days prancing around the house dressed up in my mother’s glamorous, fur trimmed negligees and fur slippers. Playing with things that made me look and feel beautiful. My hair was black, water waving as it hung down my back. Having this texture as a black girl was like being light skinned for a black child. You were singled out as to being better than other black children mostly as a girl, just because of the texture of your hair. As we think, if you’re black, your hair is nappy and course. Like our noses and lips are full. The truth is seemingly, people labeled you as they see you. Let’s not forget, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Well the start of my being confident began with the words spoke over my life. “Oh she’s so pretty”; “her hair is so long and wavy”. “She’s outgoing and talks well”. She’s slim. I suppose I started believing them. I evolved into this young woman who was made to be fearless of people because I was told how awesome I was. I walk into a room and I become noticeable because of the confidence that was instilled in me. I had the ability to command attention without opening my mouth. What was cute and encouraging as a youngster has now become painful as a woman? I can’t be what I say I am, because it’s too much for people to handle. “Am I doing something wrong”? I would ask myself, Am I offensive for being me? Each day I tried to reinvent myself. I learned to be resourceful and creative with almost everything. My eyes were keen to putting my own style to my clothing. The talk was, “you look fierce”. The name Diva was tagged onto my appearance. What the Heck is a Diva anyway? I knew I could add a touch of me to make anything better. Making the dull to shine bright was what I did best. My works were speaking for me, and folks starting asking me for my help in dressing, decorations, anything that added that flair of life. It was my job. So why not take this to another level. I will start an event planning business. ‘Divine Vision with a Splash of Cherry” Business is great People love me so I thought. I was being visible, I was asked to do most local events. Especially weddings, Women conferences and church functions. Oh how I have the gift to talk, God gave me the voice to speak while I captured every moment. I find myself wanting to shy away because others have become so bothered by my ability to make people happy. I guess I fit the description of “having haters”. Being called stuck up, and looked down upon because I’ve mastered to love me. I knew I was destined for some kind of leadership position that would cause me to be out front. I grew up in the church all my life, not even knowing that God had His hand on my life. I was on the choir, usher board, attended Sunday school ultimately becoming a Sunday school teacher, Missionary, Evangelist which led me to becoming a Pastor. Being somewhat of a public figure can be very helpful to others, but extremely harmful to you. All of my confidence is about to be put on display for real. I have integrity, I move gracefully, I’m funny, and I get along with mostly, everybody. Why would anyone dislike such a person like that? It’s crazy you tried to hide who you are to somehow please others. Be quiet; be less visible, then maybe people will like you more. I tried to stay in the background. I tried attending events early so I wouldn’t bring attention to myself. No matter where or what I did, I would be found to come forth, say something, sit closer, stand up. Finally being married to a prominent musician was surely going to push me to plant my feet in the concrete of confidence. Wishing that I could put a mask on got harder. I would try to pretend, that I didn’t like being the ‘life of the party”, but I did, because somebody was looking at me for encouragement. I had the power to uplift and bring out the best in us. But women are cruel and even mean, I would hear the whispers, “here she’s goes again”. I wanted to be intimated by the stares but instead God gave me a bolder spirit. We have to stay strong or we won’t survive. Remember “Only the strong survive”. How we really feel on the inside, affects the outside. There are times when I felt sad, lonely, misunderstood, depressed unappreciated, over looked, afraid and down in the dumps, just because I loved being me. It’s very difficult to pin-point the reason(s) why we become jealous of each other as women. Many times our issues stem from our own low self-esteem, even lack of finances, relationships that have gone left, aspiration and career goals that seem to be stale or stagnant. Most of us, if we are honest, we mask it by hurting others. Haters, really wishing we could possess the qualities of those women who seem to have it altogether. It’s my opinion, that women are the best “cover-uppers”. High esteem requires self-love, self-respect and good upbringing. Building Self-esteem is essential in overcoming people. In order to be your number one fan you have to learn to fight off rejection, stop seeking approval from others. Sometimes we try to fix things in Isolation. Hiding who we are won’t fix it. It hurts to know how vicious, bitter, jealous and so scorned we’ve become. If memory serves me correctly, we feel better when we get encouragement so let’s do a makeover, or set a plan into motion. I sound like a preacher, so what will it be?
A new hair do
A new wardrobe
A new book
A new business
A new attitude
Being a Pastor, it’s only fitting for me to stick to my beliefs. Increasing self-esteem I stayed true to my teachings. Looking good on the outside isn’t sinful or vain. As a matter of fact, the bible says in Psalm 139:-14. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So I sway and sashay. After all God made me. Being unbothered by the opinion of others is a process. As I look in the mirror to see a reflection of what’s revealed, I either like it or dislike what it shows. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the finest and fairest of them all”? The reflection says, “I am”.
Mrs. Doris Cherry