Education is Key
Education is a leading force in America, and we are still in need of resources and everyday learning, teaching and uplifting. We cannot excel unless we learn. Sisters there is nothing wrong with not being prepared, the issue is not getting prepared, it is never too late. Below is a link to free educational courses that will enhance you with a diploma or certification to help you to advance your skills or to obtain a new one, let’s build and grow together.
1. More Job Opportunities
2. Employable in desired field
3. Higher Earnings
4. Social Skills
5. Equipped to make a difference
I wanted to share my journey and the positivity that (Sheila) and being a part of Rightsideof50 has poured into me. So with being a virtual participant because I live in New York, I am sharing some of my positive conversations.
Most would say this is private but I Tonya give complete permission for this to be shared. Better yet I requested that it be shared. If you haven't had a conversation with Sheila I urge you to, there is something about the calmness, the caring way she listens and only gives input if you request. My journey is one of bettering myself.
Sheila: Hey how are you?
Myself: I am good working from home
Myself: I would love to talk when you have time
Sheila: I always have time for you call me this evening
Myself: It was a blessing talking with you last night, thank you for all the Love I needed it!
I wrote down 5 goals that I can do now like you told me, and this what I came up with.
1) Create and stick with a new normal routine
2) Focus on the positive and find a new hobby
3) Stay connected with love ones and say hello to an old friend via chat or cell
4) Pay attention to how much information I take in because it may overwhelm me.
5) Think of creative ways to work towards my goals while at home.
Sheila: Yeasssss, Yeassssss now with goal one what are obtainable goals you want?
Myself: I walked around the field this morning and did my 10,000 steps. that will be a daily routine, if the weather is good and drinking 5 bottles of water to start.
Sheila: There you so and each day take a photo and record it so you can see progress
Myself: Thank you so much! you mean the world to me. One thing you said, you said Tonya you are all
over the place just sit down and write out some goals you want to achieve. While I was walking this
morning, I couldn't get that out of my head. No one ever said that to me.
I am so thankful for you creating Rightsideof50 this is going to be such a blessing to so many. Glad I have my spot already.
I was taught to reach for the sky, and to be cautious when things change in life and when your back is up against the wall, you fall to your knees and pray. And my back has been up against the wall, and my knees were on the floor praying to God to show me the way. I was always ambitious, my parents would say you are our peculiar child. The most challenging part of life is learning to never give up and keeping it moving forward.
I thought I had my life all planned out an entrepreneur at the age of 29, I had established my own medical equipment company along with a medical consulting company. I was on a roll nothing could stop me (so I thought), until being diagnosed in 2004 with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus with 28 underlying conditions. Did I think that my world was over no I didn’t, I just wanted a quick fix so that I could continue on doing what I was doing. Yes I knew that this chronic illness was serious but in my mind I believed that it couldn’t stop me.
After two strokes and a heart attack I knew exactly what I had to do, and that was to sell the businesses and take care of my health. Was I concerned at this point? Yes. And that is exactly what I did. I found myself in the hospital three to four times a month, and during this time I did what I was taught to do and that was to pray, I was engulfed in dark clouds, but there is one thing I knew for certain and that was God never left me alone, and God had a plan for my life. I was in a valley of dry bones, and when I emerged I was like the Eagle. The Bible states in Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint”.
I had to go back to the teachings and the foundation that my parents placed in my life. You may get down but you get back up to fight another day, you are a Hendrix and you never forget that, and I haven’t forgotten those words or the foundation of having an unshakable faith, my feet are planted on solid ground. I surround myself with those who have the same mind set as I do, I block out the noise of negativity, uncertainness, doubt and fear. I had to reinvent myself and not to strive for things, because things will be here when I'm no longer present on this earth. You see my degrees don't define who I am, what defines me is being able to serve others.
My mother use to ask me every day when I would come home from high school, what have you done today to help a needed soul along the way. Me being a teenager I never understood what she meant by that, but today I do. Service of remaining unselfish, service of doing something for someone else without expecting any reward or gain. Service of being that shoulder to lean on, service of giving you a hand up, service of encouraging others and sharing my experience in life. You see you never know what an individual goes through in life so if I can give an encouraging word, the knowledge that I’ve gain, if I can just touch one soul I'm good, my job is done.
No matter what I have been through or what I'm going through I maintain a positive outlook on life and surround myself with individuals who keep me uplifted and encouraged. I refuse to just settle for the status quo, I have so much to do, and I will remain living my life to the fullest, you see the sky is no longer the limit I'm reaching for the universe, and my time on this earth will not be in vain. There will always be situations in life, you either deal with the cards you were given or you fold your hand, and at 57 I'm playing the cards I was dealt and I'm
Born and raised in New York with a tough skin but a soft heart. Sometimes that softness can be mistaken for a weakness. Throughout my life I have dealt with ups and downs, but I never let them stop me. I was taught to be a person that does not break. Don't get me wrong I may stumble, I may fall, but I have always persevered through whatever hand I was dealt.
At a young age I knew things were different within my family setting. Mainly because my birth mother was a part of the (so I thought to be) outside family setting. One thing that stands out to me through conversations with that is, I do not remember her from my younger years but I do recall her upon my high school years. It is like there is a fog or a blockage for me during that time. My mother stated that my birth mother stayed very present upon my birth. I just felt very blessed that my parents would let her be a part of my growing up and my life experiences. Most families do not allow that because of the confusion it would cause.
I am the youngest of six (at least I thought so). Graduated high school and attempted my hand at college. Being a spoiled young lady, I could not adjust to living on campus, so I returned home. I would say within these years of watching my parents grow older and the more I began to be their caregivers, I started really paying attention and watching some things but keeping them to myself. Such as familiar traits, looks, attitudes, etc.
My life through these years were one of ups and downs; almost raped at a young age (but by his grace and mercy a family member saved me from that), failed marriages, drug use, and abuse. I would never tell anyone that I was an angel throughout my experiences because I was also a seller of paraphernalia, to stand up in my church home and give my testimony to the fact that I was a source for people to do harm to themselves was the boldest move I had made within those walls. The outer me was afraid of being pushed away, judged or un-friended by the church. Once I began to understand that people do not make you, you make yourself I did not care what they thought of me or about me. All they could really judge me by is what they seen and that was a woman that took great care of her children.
Holding onto the belief that my parents wanted me to be successful in all that I did. The emotional abuse that was afflicted upon me weighed very heavy on my self confidence for many years. I didn’t feel worthy didn’t feel pretty, didn’t feel smart, wanted or just good enough. This was all caused by the words of whom I shared myself with and whom I thought loved me. But one day with a look in the mirror and a morning of church and worshiping and grasping back onto what was my foundation of upbringing I knew that the non-compliments, or semi-compliments were not because of anything I was lacking, they were what the other individual was lacking.
When that lightbulb came on things began to change for me that grinding spirit arose in me once again. But this time in a way of doing things right, I returned to College, this time with the mindset of completing but that was greeted with stumbling blocks also due to going through my divorce so once again putting that on hold but not giving in to my setback, I made that dream a reality and completed with my Bachelors (wish my parents could have been a part of it).
I relocated to be able to stand on my own, do for myself and have my own. Within that move I have learned that all men of the cloth are not what they portray to their congregation to be, not all Preachers or Pastors are cut from the same cloth as my home church Pastor. The old me would have taken advantage of this persons lackless advances and took him and his church for everything, but the new me didn’t go down that road. I think I will save that for the book- (needing a publisher and ghost writer etc.)
I always believe that I went through my situations because of the empty hole that was in my heart for my wanting to be complete. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want for anything. As a child my parents always made sure of that, but any person that does not know their other half of whence they were conceived of has an empty feeling and a yearning to be complete. Even with my father being so present in my life (but not knowing he was my father) at all school events, church recitals, teaching me how to drive, taking me on motorcycle rides, I just wish my big brother would have told me he was my father, or anyone would have revealed the secret before he left me for good RIP. (I can now say on this side of 50 I am complete).
How many can say that, I have been through the storm, I am still going through the storm. My life has been filled with personal disappointments, but yet I am still successful. I have been abused and misused, my heart has been abducted and thrown away, and through it all I am still successful.
Now look around, who can you go too that will understand or will even listen to your out cry or your pain? Most feel you have it all because of your success and think you are seeking attention but, you hold onto your pain, shame or just your outright truth trying to overcome by yourself.
Success does not make a person complete, especially if they are still missing pieces of their life; pieces of themselves that have been lost in a bad relationship, or never even shared because of the labeling and the turned down feeling that is attached to whom you are or what you have been through. So many successful woman are ashamed or disappointed in who they were that they mask it with work or other accolades that show others their accomplishments. I can put all the degrees on the wall or on the shelf along with the titles and the financial gain, but at the end of the day, can I put my emptiness out there and still receive the same respect?
As a woman it is already challenging to be taken serious in this thing called business and called life in the business world. If you are too feminine you are considered weak and a push over. If you are strong in your stance you are labeled as trying to portray a man. Where is our middle, where can we meet at the table and just be seen as human beings of all genders, morals, and races with feelings that, can still make the impossible possible?
In my own right I am successful, bending, bent, but not broken.
How Do You Define Self-Esteem?
Self Esteem is associated with self respect, referring to the value you have within yourself and for yourself. Unfortunately your sense or your thoughts of worth can waiver over time based upon your actions. We go through the up and down syndrome in regards to achievements and failures in life. If we continue to put our all into the only opinion that counts, which is our own when it comes to our own self-esteem there will be no dips no falls no down times. Rely only on your opinion of yourself, do not concentrate or entertain on what judgement you receive from others.
Step out and take chances, invite new experiences which can build up your confidence. Feel good whether mistakes happen or not mainly because you put forth the effort to do better and to try something new. Don't avoid or block out the problems face them head on and put your best foot forward to solving them, just imagine how great you will feel upon your success.
Test yourself and your reality, separate the two your emotional reactions and your fearful reactions. Emotional may have you thinking about how you look to others, Fearful will have you afraid to take those steps. By setting those two feelings aside you will have the opportunity and the ability to accomplish achievements you never thought possible. Setting these goals and keeping them in tune to what is realistic to achieving will give you motivation to continue setting goals, to continue building your self-esteem, to continue growing in an upward and outward new you.
The Best Factor for overall success is having Self-Esteem.
Trust- In yourself
Believe - In yourself
Sitting here and thinking of some near and far and many ages that are going through a time in their lives that they are not sure if they will make it out. Domestic violence is real and harmful for everyone involved. Women we were not meant to be punching bags or verbally abused in any way. Domestic violence does not only happen to women and children but also to men, this is a form of abuse. Domestic Abuse is not bodily violence alone words can hurt just the same. Domestic violence is a conduct driven force to gain control over another person. Manipulation, coherence, and a striking hand is a learned behavior but in no way should it or could it be excused.
I can clearly remember the day I was choked because of jealousy. I had to lay there for a moment and not move, but as you can see I’m still here and confident more than ever. No bruises on the outside but there will forever be a scare on the inside, that leaves you ready and on point before it happens again. I have been called mannish before because of my stance and assertiveness, I can not and do not see myself that way I can not change or help anyone that feels inadequate while in a relationship with me about a previous relationship that I was involved in. That is a insecurity you have to get over. From that day and striking back(physically) to literally save my own life I vowed I would never put myself in that predicament again. I say put myself because I could have walked away, I could not have answered when provoked, I am no way taking blame or making excuses for what happen because it is never correct for a man to abuse a woman.
The physical abuse didn’t take long to get over but the verbal abuse did. I had to retrain myself to see myself once again in the high standard that my family did. I had to be able to once again look in the mirror and see my beauty even if no one seen it. I am who I am because of my confidence and the love I have for myself. I had to take into account that if I dressed in the proper outfits that were tailor fit to me that I did and do look awesome, I do not have to wait to hear it from a man, because man does not make me I make me. My confidence is what I stand on now, now education is what I stand on, my faith is what I stand on and no one will ever break that again.
If you or anyone you may know is suffering from Domestic Abuse please report, tell, seek confidential help. Don’t let them suffer in silence, Don’t you suffer in silence most of all Don’t suffer.
Warning signs of Domestic Violence: Signs of Mental Abuse
How He/She Treats you Jealousy
How He/She Treats others Disrespect
How He/She Feels about Themselves Controlling
“Abusers will also use putdowns, bullying and humiliation to make the victims feel paralyzed and unworthy of a better relationship. In a mentally abusive relationship, the abuser often shows signs of extreme jealousy. Knowing the signs of mental abuse can help you avoid or escape a harmful relationship, as well as help you recognize if a loved one is being mentally abused.”
Self love what does it mean to you? do you associate your health into self-care? How much do you truly love yourself?